Recent research looked at the patterns of men and women on online dating sites across major cities. It uncovered that men and women are BOTH seeking a mate that is 25% more desirable than them. Gulp!
Does this mean we think we’re more desirable than we are? Not exactly
Or that we want to be with someone more desirable? Oh yeah. The research reveals that this is indeed the case. We are competing for love.
Why? The research shows that we change how we interact with someone we find more desirable. For instance, a man who finds a woman more desirable will write a longer note to her - and wait longer.
How did they track desirability? Desirability is measured by the amount of outreach a man or woman received, and who it was coming from — those that were in fact more in pursuit or not. Desirability is not only about how many people contact you but also about who those people are. If you are contacted by people who are themselves desirable, then you are presumptively more desirable yourself.
Harking back to cavemen times it really was a competition for the right mate to survive. Is this the same or different?
It’s telling to note that this pattern is found online. In real life, would it make sense to consistently pursue someone more desirable? I don’t think so - we would avoid the pain of rejection. Yet online we have nothing to lose, and more to gain.
What do you think?