Is Your Profile Picture Helping or Hurting Your Dating Life?

“ A picture is worth a thousand words.”

In dating today your photo is worth more than a thousand words. Your first impression on a dating app is your photo.  It’s the first - and quite often the last - impression you give.

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room.

Chances are your profile picture is  not doing you justice and may even be doing you harm.  So many photos singles share with me fall short.

Here are the Top 6 Pitfalls…

  1. The photo quality is poor.  It’s rare to see a good quality photo. Most are grainy or out of focus.  You may think it looks good, yet double-check the photo quality.

  2. Your photo includes others.  We really don’t want to guess who you are in the photo, nor meet your family, friends, and even beloved pet.  

  3. You only have headshots.  This leads one to wonder what you look like below your neckline.  Chances are they’ve been on enough dates where the wish they had seen a full body shot beforehand.  Believe me, your date doesn’t want to be surprised.

  4. Your photos are old.  We all want to turn the time machine back a decade yet putting old photos of yourself online isn’t the answer. You risk wasting time on dates that were hoping your younger self showed up.  Don’t do it!

  5. You forget to flirt.  A lot of times profile photos are stuffy, boring or lack spark. The best photos are full of personality and a little flirty in a subtle way.

  6. You wear clothes that don’t flatter you.  Remember to dress well. It should be attractive, and you feel / look good in it

The good news is this is all super easy to fix.

The Solution - Hire a good photographer to take headshot and full body shots in a setting you love.  Make sure they have experience taking photos for dating profiles, and ask to see their portfolio in advance to ensure there’s a fit.

The Power of Posture in Dating & Mating

While in Kauai a few years ago, I was dining outside at the Princeville St Regis. I felt a very masculine “presence” walk by. I didn’t catch who it was, just felt it, and was compelled to look. I looked behind me and gawked. It was “007” - Pierce Brosnan being seated at the nearby table.

Why was his presence so alluring? Simple. He had great posture and my subconscious mind picked this up instinctively. A modern day mating call - good posture.


In the animal kingdom, this is old news. Peacocks show-off their feathers and chimpanzees flaunt their body to attract the opposite sex. In humans, the same laws of attraction hold true. Good posture is hot!

Yet as we get older, gravity gets the best of us. We start to slouch ever so slightly and might not even realize it. If you are over 40, chances are your posture isn’t what it use to be. Many of us are shorter than we were in our 20s. Really!

Meeting with a lot of people over 50, I see how two people the exact same age look like they are 10 years apart. The one with good posture looks so much younger.

Posture matters if you are courting anything - a new relationship, new job, and a a new client. Today, courtship is so fleeting that it is hard to make an impression in this dating app world - and even in brief encounters in real life.

The good news is it is easy to fix!

If you want to increase your attraction quotient almost instantly, look to your posture. Take up a yoga class, do stretches, strengthen your core, or if you really want to get serious about it check out Egoscue. Tony Robbins does Egoscue every day, and so do famous athletes that need to be at their peak performance. When you have great posture you will look slimmer, stand taller, have more energy, and be more attractive.

The #1 Quality Single Men Are Looking For - and Not Finding

Yesterday I was speaking to an eligible bachelor who is the founder of a venture capital firm. He’s Ivy League educated, smart, fun, successful, super handsome, and fit. When he told me what he was seeking, most of it didn’t surprise me - beautiful, smart, kind and fun. Then he shared with me the one key quality he wasn’t finding in the single women he was meeting in San Francisco.


What?! Yes. This guy, like most successful and smart single men in my circles appreciate and applaud a strong, successful woman. They want someone smart, a real partner they can bounce ideas with, and a woman with her own viewpoints. They want her to be passionate about her career. With all that great stuff they find the feminine side has been left behind. And they miss it!

Most women would object. Many think they are still in their feminine side and expressing it just like you always have. Yet something has changed in their daily lives — many go to work, get a lot of stuff done at work, juggle endless responsibilities and are usually pretty exhausted by the end of the day.

What is going on? Testosterone. Yup. Not just for men.

You see, both men and women create testosterone when they are doing, achieving, getting things done, and creating. Anytime we are independent, we are on our male side. This applies to men and women. When we are at work achieving, we are all on our male side.

To be happy, relaxed and fulfilled, women need to also tap into their feminine side. This is the nurturing, vulnerable, loving, trusting, responsive, and interdependent qualities women repress in their busy lives getting everything done for everyone.

The good news is, this is easy to fix. Women can tap into their feminine side very easily with a little bit of effort. If you are a single woman, try doing something nurturing for yourself before your date — get your nails or hair done, get a massage, or get some “me” time doing your favorite thing. Then, wear one of your feminine outfits, look in the mirror and smile.

The #1 Mistake Men (and Women) Make on a First Date

Let me paint the picture of a first date.

Male perspective: You’re on a date with an amazing woman. You asked her out and are excited to be with her. During the date, she asks you a bunch of questions. Being a good guy, you go with the flow and answer her questions. You get her laughing and weave in a fun story or two. At the end of the evening, you think you were a great date, and the date was a success.

Female perspective: You are excited about going on a date with a great guy. At the end of the evening, you shake your head in dismay. You spent two hours with this guy over dinner, and he didn’t ask you ONE question! You start to wonder how great this guy is, and definitely don’t think he’s interested in you.

Both the man and the woman read the situation differently. Both were off base.

It’s a classic trap men fall into time and time again.

It’s also a classic trap women fall into.

This is the #1 thing men and women misunderstand on a first date.

Why does this happen?

In guy code, you ask a question if you want to know something. It’s that simple.

In gal code, when you ask a question you expect the other person to ask a question back. Women know this law of exchange — I ask you a question, you ask me a question. Simple.

You see the disconnect here? Both are right, yet put it together on a date and it can spell disaster.

Not only does the woman leave the date feeling he’s not very interested in her, the man misses out on the chance to get to know his date. It’s highly unlikely there will be much connection when this happens.

What to do?

Rx for Guys: Ask your date some questions. Even interrupt her if you need to, yet be sure to express interest.

Rx for Ladies: Let the conversation flow. You don’t need to carry it. Let him address the awkward lulls in conversation. Don’t make it so easy on him. Don’t ask 20 questions. He asked you out, so let him carry the conversation. This gives him ample room to ask you questions. If your date can’t carry the conversation, better to know that now.

Try this out on your next first date, and report back!

Research Study Reveals: We seek partners 25% more desirable than ourselves

Recent research looked at the patterns of men and women on online dating sites across major cities. It uncovered that men and women are BOTH seeking a mate that is 25% more desirable than them. Gulp!

Does this mean we think we’re more desirable than we are? Not exactly

Or that we want to be with someone more desirable? Oh yeah. The research reveals that this is indeed the case. We are competing for love.

Why? The research shows that we change how we interact with someone we find more desirable. For instance, a man who finds a woman more desirable will write a longer note to her - and wait longer.

How did they track desirability? Desirability is measured by the amount of outreach a man or woman received, and who it was coming from — those that were in fact more in pursuit or not. Desirability is not only about how many people contact you but also about who those people are. If you are contacted by people who are themselves desirable, then you are presumptively more desirable yourself.

Harking back to cavemen times it really was a competition for the right mate to survive. Is this the same or different?

It’s telling to note that this pattern is found online. In real life, would it make sense to consistently pursue someone more desirable? I don’t think so - we would avoid the pain of rejection. Yet online we have nothing to lose, and more to gain.

What do you think?

Dating Sunday - The Busiest Day of the Year for Online Dating

Did you know today is Dating Sunday? It is the peak day for online dating according to online dating app/ site stats. Every year on the first Sunday of the year singles jump online to look for love. Why? The weather is usually lousy, the holidays are behind you, your weekend is winding down, and before you jump back to your Monday work routine you jump online. Here are some tips to make the most of it.

Not online? Why do it? Expanding your circles is the #1 way to meet other singles. Online dating is one of many ways to expand your circles to meet more singles of the opposite sex — with your slippers on! It is the most inexpensive way to expand your dating possibilities.

What are the top sites? In the Bay Area the most popular ones for professional singles are Bumble, The League, and Coffee Meet Bagel. Older singles (55+) tend to gravitate towards There is no perfect dating site/ app, and singles complain about them all. Remember, it just takes meeting that special person to make it worth it.

A portfolio approach to finding love is your best best. Consider online dating apps as only one part of your plan, make sure you diversify with other strategies when finding love. After all - would you put all your money in just one stock?

Is it ever too late to find love?

Is it ever too late to find true love? As a matchmaker and love coach, I’d say no. I’ve seen people fall in love in the strangest circumstances, places and at every age. Our desire to be loved and to love is innate.

I often meet singles who have given up on love. Some older people say they have closed up shop. They have their reasons, yet many are fearful of getting hurt again. It’s natural and normal to protect yourself. Yet at ever juncture in our live — in every relationship we have there is a clear choice between love and fear. To love is to be open, embrace, trust and hope. To fear is to close down, distrust and be cynical. It is no surprise what the very different mindsets create in their lives.

Read this article for some inspiration and proof it isn’t too late.

Will you choose fear or love in 2019?

What's the #1 quality to look for in a lifetime partner?

What is the #1 quality to look for in a lifetime partner?


Research has shown it is the most important predictor of satisfaction and stability in a marriage.

Contempt is the number one factor that tears couples apart. People who are focused on criticizing their partners miss a whopping 50 percent of positive things their partners are doing and they see negativity when it’s not there. People who give their partner the cold shoulder—deliberately ignoring the partner or responding minimally—damage the relationship by making their partner feel worthless and invisible, as if they’re not there, not valued. And people who treat their partners with contempt and criticize them not only kill the love in the relationship, but they also kill their partner's ability to fight off viruses and cancers. Being mean is the death knell of relationships.

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